WOMEN ONLY
Are you reading this because there’s a man in your life you want to be closer with?
Well, here are two things I know about men. One, they are wonderful, absolutely wonderful. Two, men need us to give them a hand.
I’m not talking about saving them, though surely, many of you (myself included) have found yourselves stumbling down that dark, dead end path. I’m also not talking about bullying them into looking at emotional issues because you think they should. (I can’t think of a faster way to shut a guy down). And I am most certainly not talking about blaming them for all that’s wrong in your relationship.
By giving them a hand, I’m suggesting you set things up so your partner can really talk to you.
I want you to listen to him (this is not time to fix, suggest or manipulate) and let him know he’s not alone. After you do that without any judgment, you are going to take a turn talking. If you’re asking him to be vulnerable, you need to do the same. Then you’re going to stop. That’s right. Resist the urge to try and solve all of your relationship problems in one sitting and think of this as a larger project. At this stage you’re setting up a safety net so he, and you, will eventually be able to make some big emotional jumps.
To make sure this happens, I’m putting you in charge. You see, typically men are not conditioned to communicate, so don’t wait for him to come begging for the chance to open up and share his heart. This isn’t men’s fault. It has to do with history and wars and a society that tells our guys to shut up, don’t cry, don’t feel, just do a lot of work and make a pile of money. Far too much of a man’s value in this world is connected to what he produces.
Only recently has the message become a little louder and more hopeful. Men need to slow it down and take time to form deep loving connections. They need to notice that they’re isolated and find a way to pull in the safe people around them. That would be you.
Speaking of, what’s in it for you? Well, where do I start? A partner who is present. A relationship based on communication instead of resentment over lack of. A chance for real closeness with the person you may share your life with. And the hope that our boys will grow into men who are not afraid of feelings.
That’s all for now. Let’s keep this easy and be in touch.
Sandra