Mother’s Day Postmortem
After a holiday–Hallmark or otherwise, I don’t discriminate–I check in with friends about how it went. This week I made a few inquiries into their Mother’s Day experiences, not only because I’m nosy, but because the stories of generosity, or lack of, fascinate me.
Take for instance, the mother of four young children in my neighborhood who works part-time so she can be home for the kids. A mother who cleans and shops and cooks and cares unceasingly. The one who remembers a dozen important things that must get done everyday but whose husband scrambled outside on Mother’s Day morning to pick her a bunch of flowers as an afterthought. Like, oh, it’s Mother’s Day and I didn’t really plan anything, so I guess these purple weeds from the park will have to do in a pinch.
Or the mother of two little children who says, “I don’t really expect anything from him. The kids made me cards and that was sweet.”
Or the mother who got that Hallmark card and celebrated the fact that he even managed to remember that since there wasn’t a lot of precedence for it with other occasions.
I heard plenty of sweet stories too. My friend Maggie’s husband overhauled an old bike that he found in the basement and added a perfect basket. She was riding around on Sunday morning in her white skirt like the Queen of Spring. I saw other Moms on hiatus from kid-duty, some working in their gardens, wearing new clogs or pretty silver earrings. And the restaurant we went to that evening was packed with smiling mothers being feted by their broods.
Bringing me to my point that just a dash of generosity can go a very long way. I’m not saying that every holiday has to be a chance to blow wads of cash on showy gifts. Ugh, not at all. Okay, well, in some cases that’s fine. Rather, I’m suggesting that when a chance to celebrate rolls around–Mother’s Day, a birthday, and, yes, even those stupid Hallmark Holidays-that you do so with some creativity and generosity of spirit.
What is so hard about a small gift, flowers, a card with a message from the heart and not Hallmark? Let’s put it this way, every Mother’s Day, I think about why I’m a mother and how I got here. I even remember my gorgeous pregnancies with my two children and the interminable, drug-free labors that brought them into this world. Would I do it again in a minute? Duh. Does childbirth and the aftermath deserve a little recognition? Double duh.
One of the easiest things you can do for a partner is appreciate them, even if it’s not a holiday. This, of course, goes for men and women. Even if you’re struggling to communicate, to find your way back to each other after a distancing argument, take a moment to think about what drew you to this person in the first place and why you’re still here. Is she the kind of person that every kid loves not just her own? Does he joyfully play with the kids for hours forgetting the time and sometimes even dinner?
So next time a holiday comes along (you’ll know by reading store circulars, watching tv commercials and paying attention to Internet ads) here’s what you can do, instead of doing nothing. You can think of at least one thing you really adore about your partner. You can write it on a plain piece of paper or a decorative card (this matters much less than the sentiment) then tape it to a small gift that you purchase or make yourself with thoughtfulness. Then give it to that person you share your life with, watch their reaction, then sit back for a moment and marvel at how easy it is to spread a little joy.